


Tragician

by Exterminatorviolence



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M, hurt and no comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-23
Updated: 2014-09-23
Packaged: 2018-02-18 11:23:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2346701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Exterminatorviolence/pseuds/Exterminatorviolence
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ray was slowly starting to see that he really wasn't perfect, and maybe he wasn't worth all this time Ray was putting into saving him. Ray was starting to see that Joel wasn't what he needed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tragician

**Author's Note:**

> Based off of the song "Tragician" by frnkiero andthe cellabration. 
> 
> Also so sorry about the lack of updates on Angels and Demons. School and depression and other things. Updates should be back to once a week, but don't expect them on a set day anymore. Sorry.

Joel hated all the shit that he put Ray through. He doesn't ever mean to, he swears, he just gets a little overwhelmed sometimes. It didn't seem like Joel could could ever do something that would make Ray smile. It was his own fault. He couldn't seem to do anything right with his life.

Sitting alone at his apartment on his couch seemed to be a recurring thing in Joel's evening routine. Ray had long since gone home yelling _I won't be here forever Joel! I can't stay here if you don't even try._

Joel sighed. He was his own worst enemy in this sitaution. It was almost tragic.

Most days, he couldn't even believe he was still alive. With all the drinking he does and all the emotional shit he puts himself and Ray through, Joel thought he should've died a long time ago. Maybe he was dead and this was Hell; living in a life where he hurts the person he loves and they leave.

Over and over again.

\-----

And Joel wants to do better for Ray, and do what's right, but he can't seem to get a foothold. He can never seem to get it right no matter how hard he tried. Everything just seemed wrong, and every choice he made seemed to be the wrong one. He keeps letting Ray down over and over again, and he can tell that the younger is getting sick of it.

Of him.

\-----

How Ray stuck with him through all this, he'll never know. Joel remembers the first time he let Ray down; the ways his face fell and his shoulders slumped, almost like someone punching the air out of him. Joel hated it. Hated the look on Ray's face that he caused.

And once it started, it didn't stop.

\-----

Sometimes when Ray stayed over and thought Joel was asleep, he'd cry. He'd sob openly and heartbroken, his gut wrenching and heart shaking, wishing that he could start over, have a new life. One where he could help Joel, and maybe even save him.

Most days, Joel heard him.

\-----

When Joel went back through all the memories he and Ray shared, and how Ray always said that Joel was a good person and that he wasn't some useless space. How could Ray possibly think that there was some kind of light in Joel? He could never see what Ray saw in him.

He could never see things like Ray.

\-----

Through all their fights, it was always about one thing: How Joel couldn't be enough for Ray.

Joel always brought it up, and every time he did, Ray would groan and lean his head back. The older man always said that he couldn't be what Ray needed, couldn't be emotionally stable. The Puerto Rican would always spit back that he need someone emotionally stable, and that Joel was perfect in his eyes.

Joel could see that, that feeling had diminished over the years. That Ray was slowly starting to see that he really wasn't perfect, and maybe he wasn't worth all this time Ray was putting into saving him. Ray was starting to see that Joel wasn't what he needed.

Joel wished he was.

\-----

He remembers how, once upon a time, how he made Ray feel. How he could make the younger smile and laugh without a care in the world. All those memories of happiness seem to be buried under all the bad memories now. Ray was definitely going to leave him soon-Joel could just tell-but he wishes that he could have maybe a few more happy memories before Ray left.

Please.


End file.
